Self-care has become equated with mani-pedis and taking bubble baths surrounded by candles.  While these experiences can certainly be part of a self-care plan, it is so much more.  Another criticism of self-care is that it doesn’t do anything to change the system creating the need for self-care.  While this may be true, without caring for yourself it will not be as likely to be able to continue to work toward systemic change.

Let’s look at the different realms of self-care to appreciate the breadth of the practice.  We can look at self-care in the physical, emotional, psychological, mental, and professional realms. 

• Examples of physical self-care include eating regularly and healthfully, exercising, and resting when ill.  

• Examples of emotional self-care include spending time with preferred individuals, revisiting favorite books, movies, or other media, allowing yourself to cry and finding things that will make you smile.

• Psychological self-care can include journaling, engaging mindfully in activities, and engaging in psychotherapy.  Reflecting, spending time in nature, allowing for experiences of awe, and engaging in religious practices and traditions are ways to engage in spiritual self-care.

• At work it can look like taking breaks, socializing with coworkers and giving each other support, setting limits on time and workload.  Also included is establishing a balance between work, hobbies and leisure activities, advocacy, family, and rest. 

“Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” 
— Audre Lorde 

Engaging in these realms of self-care will not look the same for everyone.  You will not have the autonomy and flexibility to set your own schedule.  You may be working multiple jobs with little down time.  You may live in a food desert or not have adequate time to shop and prepare meals, making eating healthfully difficult.  There is no doubt that there are systemic issues that need to change, issues that result in primary and secondary trauma.  These are beyond the scope of this blog post, but I did not want this post to appear dismissive of that.

To be able to continue to work toward effective systemic change, one must take care of oneself.  There is a “culture of martyrdom” in our society.  It can be considered a badge of honor to work 80 or more hours per week.  Putting aside personal needs for employment or advocacy needs are often reinforced.  This culture leads to burn out and/or compassion fatigue, which can in turn lead to multiple undesirable symptoms including stress, exhaustion, health problems, social isolation, and substance use/misuse. This “culture of martyrdom” needs to change. There are some easily accessed articles cited below that support the need for and the efficacy of self-care while also emphasizing the need for systemic change in the realms of racial justice, environmental stewardship, and animal rights and welfare.

Let’s face it – we all have tasks that we have to do that we just don’t wanna do! Maybe it’s a have to do task that we know will benefit us in the long run, but we keep putting it off, thinking we’ll get to it sooner or later. Or maybe we are finding ourselves too tired, too overwhelmed, or too busy to carve out time to do a task that’s too tedious in the first place. Whatever the reasons, getting over the don’t wanna do this hurdles to reach the checked it off my to do list finish line, is a win! Thankfully, there are skills that can be practiced to help you along the journey. My clients often hear me say that I genuinely try to practice what I teach. So, here are a few tried and true tools for tasks in the just don’t wanna do this column to help you get over the hurdles and get it done!

• Break down tasks into bite sized chunks: I’m sure you’ve heard this advice before. Certainly, taking a big don’t wanna do task and breaking it down into smaller pieces can make it seem like less of a chore. The key with this tool is to find the sweet spot between breaking down the task into small enough steps that the task seems more approachable but not so many small pieces that the task seems never-ending. Creativity can help. Play around with some options to see what feels more manageable. It can even be helpful to group particular steps together – even perhaps changing the natural order sequence – that can make the task easier.
• Identify your finish line prize: Sometimes we try to convince ourselves to just muster up a ‘get to it’ attitude. That can work. The problem is that it may not be very sustainable or replicable. One tool that can help is to decide prior to starting the task how you are going to reward yourself for getting the task done. Rewards – even self-implemented – can be a powerful motivator. Who doesn’t like prizes?!? The prize doesn’t have to be big or expensive to be a motivator – my clients know I’m a huge fan of peanut butter cups – it just has to work!
• Use the well-tested Pomodoro Technique: Don’t be surprised with this one if you are already using a very similar strategy. In case this technique is unfamiliar, I’ll briefly summarize. It involves 1) picking a task, and 2) setting a timer (this one is actually pretty cool), but any timer will work. TIP: You’ll sometimes see Pomodoro Technique guides that say set the time for 25 minutes. Generally, I advise setting the timer for a small amount of time knowing that “small” is relative. But your personalized sense of a small amount of time is where the magic happens with this tool. If you think you can stick to the task for 10 minutes then start there, if you think you could swing 30 minutes then go for it. Next, 3) work on just the one task until the time is up, and then 4) take a short break. TIP: Again “short” is relative. The key is that you want the break to be long enough to feel like a break but not so long that you don’t want to get back to the task – whether that’s right away or in the future. Finally, 5) if needed, or if you are up for it, go through a few more cycles of working until time is up and taking a break until either the task is done or it’s time to take a break from the task for a while. The Pomodoro Technique is actually often touted as a time management strategy. So why discuss it here as a task completion tool. Because sometimes we don’t want to do something when it just seems like, you know, “I just can’t even!” I find though, that often, “I can…if it’s just for a little bit.”

You can do the thing…even while feeling like you don’t wanna do the thing! The two are not mutually exclusive.

• Remember the big picture: This is a bit of a ‘mind over mood’ strategy. When the ‘don’t wanna’ feeling seems to keep you from jumping the hurdle of tackling that task, here are a few tools might help. Try identifying personalized and driving reasons why you are doing the task in the first place. Fitting the task into the larger picture of something personally important can help to move you along your journey of completing the task. Again, this doesn’t have to be an awe-inspiring reason. For instance, you may not be particularly motivated to complete the task of doing the laundry, you may be motivated to have an enjoyable and peaceful living space that is organized and relatively clutter free. Completing a values clarification exercise can help you identify your whys. You can also try out a tool called refocusing. What we pay attention to has a powerful influence over our mood and our thoughts. To use this tool, try purposefully paying attention to a helpful aspect of completing the task. Visualize yourself having completed the task or the benefits that you’re looking forward to once the task is completed. Sometimes, even a ‘phew it’s done’ kinda feeling of accomplishment can be enough to get us moving along. Other times it may be knowing that you are now free to move on to more enjoyable or rewarding activities.
• Aim for excellence not perfection: Perhaps, this is familiar advice. The idea here is to get. it. done! The experience of ‘don’t wanna’ feelings can stop us in our tracks – especially if our tendency is towards perfectionism. In many cases, however, if we can distinguish between what needs more of our attention or knowledge in a task and what requires less intensity, we can transform a ‘don’t wanna’ task into an ‘at least it’s done now task.’

Try to stay focused on one task at a time. There was a time when multitasking was praised as a superpower! It was like the more tasks that you were able to juggle, the ‘better’ you were at life! Nowadays, multitasking is thought to contribute to decreased productivity and increased stress. Instead, try some of the strategies above to help move through your to do task lists and to move some of your don’t wanna tasks into the ‘done’ column.